


you do realize the ship name for Shulk and Akira would be Shakira right

by Squiped_Mew



Category: Persona 5, Super Smash Brothers, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, Xenoblade Chronicles, 光神話 | Kid Icarus (Video Games)
Genre: Akira's trying so hard to be cool, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Dates, Dinner dates, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Happy April Fools Day, Hijinks & Shenanigans, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Not for long tho, Restaurants, Secret Relationship, Smash Mansion, Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, Talking Link (Legend of Zelda), boy i sure do use that tag a lot, crack ships, crack taken somewhat seriously, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:55:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23429584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Squiped_Mew/pseuds/Squiped_Mew
Summary: “...You know, those two have been hanging out a lot lately.” Link remarked.“Shulk and Joker? What about it?” Pit replied.“Don’t you think it’s weird?” Link asked.“What do you mean? Joker’s kind of new, so it’s good for him to make new friends, right?”“...Sure.” Link often forgot that Pit was as dense as a box of rocks, so he decided not to press the issue.
Relationships: Link (Legend of Zelda)/Pit (Kid Icarus), Shulk (Xenoblade Chronicles)/Joker (Persona 5), crack ships all the way baby
Comments: 6
Kudos: 50





	you do realize the ship name for Shulk and Akira would be Shakira right

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to another episode of my sister and I's dumbass writing challenges we do at 10 at night! this spawned out of a dumb joke that the ship name between Pit and Link would be Lit, and then I one-upped that by realizing that Joker/Akira and Shulk's ship name would be Shakira. 
> 
> Consider this my April Fools Day joke for this year. I hope you enjoy. Wash your hands!

“Sup, I’m your uber.”

“Babe, can you PLEASE stop saying that every time you drive me somewhere.”

  
  


Laughing, Pit opened the door to his beat-up volvo, pulling Link into the shotgun seat. “Be glad I managed to get Pittoo out of the front seat. He was acting like such a little kid!”

“Oh, you’re one to talk, Pit-Stain.” Link turned his head to see a fuming Dark Pit in the cramped backseat, squished between two boxes, holding his phone, who’s phone case had a picture of -

“...Is that Shadow the Hedgehog?”

“Don’t get the wrong idea, nitwit.” Dark Pit picked up the nearest item (a sandal) and threw it at Link’s head, who didn’t react. “Sonic gave it to me. ‘Said I seemed like the kind of guy who’d have something like this. Whatever that means.” 

Link, as per usual, decided not to respond, turning back to face Pit, who was scrolling through his car songs playlist on his phone, (Which had an identical case to Pittoo’s, but whatever) which was plugged into the aux cord. 

“Pit!” Link swatted the phone out of the shorter boy’s hand, and Pit made a face.

“What was that for?”

“I may not know much about cars, but I’ve been told by literally everyone who does that you’re not supposed to be on your phone while you drive. And believe me, the Sheikah Slate is like, the Hylian equivalent of that, and I’ve crashed the master cycle enough times while using it to know that they’re probably right.”

“Your world doesn’t have cars, but it has motorcycles?” Dark Pit grumbled. 

“Did I ask for you to commentate on everything we say?” Pit sniped back. Dark Pit stuck his tongue out back. 

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


“We should be back by nine or so.” Pit said. Dark Pit, who the two of them were dropping off at the Smash Mansion, crossed his arms in response. “And I know this goes without saying, but don’t do anything stupid while we’re out, okay? Last time I was out, you and Byleth almost started a house fire.”

  
  


“Look, it’s not my fault that Byleth happens to look a LOT like Chrom from behind, okay? Hell, all the Fire Emblem whack jobs are virtually the same guy anyways.” Grumbling to himself, Dark Pit tramped back up the gravel path leading to the Smash Mansion.

“See you later!” Pit said. 

Dark Pit flipped him the bird. 

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


“You know,” Link started when they had hit the road again. “I don’t think your brother likes me very much.”

“Awh, well, he doesn’t really like anyone, really.” Pit replied, looking a bit sheepish. “Just ignore him.” 

“You don’t.” 

“That’s because I like Pittoo!” Snorting at Pit’s semi-affectionate nickname for his pseudo-brother, Link leaned out the window, watching the sun sink into the horizon. “And yeah, he’s a bit grouchy, likes to pick fights, and has an aversion to cats, the OBVIOUS best animal -”

“-Dogs are still better.”

“Shut up man.” Pit nudged Link’s shoulder, rolling his eyes at the other boy. “Anyways, as I was saying, he’s a bit of a tough nut to crack, but he’s actually pretty nice once you get to know him!”

“Yeah, Isabelle told me the same thing, but i just feel like she can be friends with anyone.” Link replied, throwing his hands behind his head. 

There was a pause, and then Link realized it was because Pit was looking at him. 

“What?”

“You’re awfully chatty tonight.” Pit said, a smile on his face. 

“Come off it, a guy can talk if he wants too.” Link replied, waving a bony hand dismissively. “Besides, you’re fun to talk to.” 

“I’m flattered. Really.” Pit dramatically put a hand on his chest, not before Link screamed at him to watch out for the road, which led to the car popping a curve.

  
  
  


After they had settled down from that, Link noticed that his phone was ringing. Checking the caller ID, he realized it was Daisy. 

“Hey man, Daisy’s calling.” Pit nodded, turning down the loud classical music that he uncharacteristically liked. Link clicked the bright green answer button, and turned the call on speakerphone. 

  
  


_“Howdy!”_ Daisy’s ever peppy voice rang out through the receiver. _“You guys on your way to Kawasaki's?”_

“Yeah, we are.” Link yelled back over the rushing wind coming through the open window.

“Hi Daisy!” 

“Pit says hi.”

_“Oh - hi Pit! You guys going on a date?”_

“Yeah, something like that.” Pit piped up before Link could say anything.

_“Wow, figured you guys would still be weird about it. Well anyways, if you’re there, tell Akira that he needs to stop leaving his gun in Lukas’s room - I’m starting to fear for my life, those kids are scary enough as it is.”_

  
  


“Wait, Akira? Like, Joker-Akira?” Pit exclaimed. “Why’s he at Kawasaki’s?” 

_“...To eat dinner? Duh?”_ Daisy responded, and Link could almost hear the teasing smile in her voice. _“For an angel general, you’re not very sharp, Pit-Stain.”_

“You’ve been hanging around Pittoo too much.” Pit huffed. “And besides, you didn’t answer my question.”

“She just did Pit.” Link quietly replied. Pit blinked, before shouting back into the phone.

“Actually, disregard what I said, Link’s right.”

_“I find that he usually is.”_ Daisy laughed. “ _But, if you have to know, I think him and… uh, Shulk, was it? Yeah, I think they’re going out for dinner or something, so if you see them, say hi.”_

“Okay. See ya!” With Pit’s final word, Link pressed end call, and put his phone back in his pocket. 

  
  
  


“...You know, those two have been hanging out a lot lately.” Link remarked. 

“Shulk and Joker? What about it?” Pit replied, reaching for Link’s stash of gum, before Link slapped his hand away.

“Don’t you think it’s weird?”

“What do you mean? Joker’s kind of new, so it’s good for him to make new friends, right?”

“...Sure.” Link often forgot that Pit was as dense as a box of rocks, so he decided not to press the issue. 

  
  
  


* * *

“Booth for two - oh, hey Shadow, didn’t know you worked here!” 

Shadow eyed the two of them, looked down to see Pit’s phone case, then looked back up. 

“I’m not even going to ask.” The surly hedgehog replied. “Follow me.”

  
  
  
  


* * *

They soon had their booth on the side of the large room, watching people and waiters flit in and out between tables and booths like it was some kind of marathon. 

“You did strike me as the people watching type.” Pit remarked. Link flicked him on the forehead, as a man with spring arms showed up to take their drink orders.

  
  


“Wait.” Pit remarked as the waiter left. “Hold on, is that -”

  
  


Sure enough, right across the room, in the booth adjacent to theirs, was none other than Akira himself, dressed casually (which was weird to see after seeing him so much in his Phantom Thieves uniform when they fought most of the time but whatever) and across the table, sat Shulk, both of whom looked at ease, Akira even wearing one of his rare not-smirky-smiles.

  
  


“Woah, look at that, Joker looks… not super calm for once? Not very jokery, you know?” Pit remarked. Link snorted at his boyfriend’s eloquence. “Maybe we should go talk to them?”

“I don’t know.” Link replied, wringing his hands. “They seem to be having a good time and I don’t want to intrude - oh, and you’re going, cool.” 

Quietly trailing after Pit, the two of them crossed the room, Pit rolling up like how someone would walk into a party which they were invited too, which they were not, but whatever. “Heeeeeey Akira! Shulk!”

  
  


Both of them looked up, Akira’s face melting back into one of semi-forced coolness. Shulk however, looked rather flustered, eyes darting around as if looking for possible escape routes. 

“Ah. Pit, Link. I didn’t expect to see you here.” Akira said cordially, if not a little too calm. “What are you doing over here?”

“Just, you know, hanging out.” Pit said, crossing his arms in an attempt to look cool, which failed. Link rolled his eyes, feeling a bit shy, but peeked out from behind Pit nonetheless, despite how much shorter Pit was. “Hiya Shulk!” 

“Uhh-” Shulk's accent got thicker when he was nervous, and this was no exception. “Hey there. How are y’all on this lovely evening?”

“Not freaking out for no discernable reason.” Link mumbled. Pit elbowed him in the side. 

“Sooooo,” Pit, in his usual attempts to fill the silence with as much of his own voice as he could muster, started up after a brief pause. “Mind if we sit here?”

Shulk and Akira looked at each other. 

“It’s fine.” Akira said. His tone, however, indicated that they wanted to be left alone, and Link was bout to do just that, when he saw Pit had sat down anyways. 

Link loved Pit, but he had to admit. The guy was kind of a dumbass.  
  
  


“Hey, you guys can’t just move tables - oh whatever.” Their waiter sighed, trotting over to their new table. “Here are your drinks.” 

Pit had gotten a lemonade, and Link had gotten an iced-tea because sleep was for the weak. From what he could see, Shulk had gotten what looked like a Shirley temple and Akira - well, he had gotten water, because of course. 

  
  


Pit quickly launched into conversation with Shulk about fighting techniques and their weapons, which got the blonde to loosen up a bit, and the atmosphere quickly changed from mildly tense to friendly between the two. 

  
  


Link, who was sitting directly adjacent to Akira, hadn’t spoken. Actually, neither had the black-haired teen, light from the lamp above them reflecting off of his glasses in the most - what was it that Ken had said? Right, in ‘the most anime way ever’.

“Don’t say much?” Akira asked. 

Link shook his head. 

Akira nodded.

Link nodded back in solidarity. 

  
  
  


* * *

“Here’s your food.” The waiter handed everyone their dishes - Pit had gotten pizza, Shulk had gotten a salad, Akira had gotten curry and Link -

  
  


“An order of mozzarella sticks, meat skewers, fries, sushi, and onion soup.” The waiter said. The other three at the table looked on in abject horror as Link dug into his food. 

  
  


(Pit was acutely reminded at that moment that Link, despite how quiet and polite he initially seemed, was the world’s messiest eater, and had the decency to be a little embarrassed.)

  
  
  


“...You’re not seriously going to eat all of that, are you?” Akira asked incredulously. Link nodded, a mouthful of fries still in his mouth as he pointed at Akira’s half-eaten curry. 

“You gonna finish’ that?” He asked with his mouth full. 

  
  


Akira, looking a little grossed out, sighed, shook his head, and pushed the curry forward. Link happily obliged. 

  
  
  


* * *

“We’re splitting the bill, right?” Shulk nervously asked when all was said and done, and somehow, despite the odds, Link had finished his food. 

“Nah, I can pay.” Link said, feeling more comfortable than before. 

“No, it’s fine.” Akira cut him off. “We were here first, so I can pay.”

“If Link wants to pay, let him pay!” Shulk piped up, hand on Akira’s shoulder. 

“I have the actual cash on me, so -”

“Again, he was the one that ate all the food-”

“Babe, I’m serious, just -”

  
  


“BABE?!” Both Shulk and Akira looked over to see a shocked looking Pit and a less shocked but nonetheless surprised Link. 

  
  


“Waaaait.” Pit said, looking as if he was piecing the secrets of the universe together. “Hold on. Are you -” Pit shot up, knocking his knees against the table. “ARE YOU GUYS DATING?!?!”

“SHUSH!” Shulk, face as red as his jacket, slapped a hand over Pit’s mouth. “Not so loud! Kawasaki almost heard us, and then he would have told Dedede, who would have told Bowser, who -”

“We _get_ it, you can see the future, now sit down.” Link deadpanned. Both Pit and Shulk obliged. 

  
  


“How long has this been a thing?” Link asked. 

“...About a month or so.” Akira quietly admitted, a tinge of pink staining his cheeks. “It’s kind of a funny story actually,” 

“Oh my god, please don’t tell them about that -”

“Okay, so you know how Richter’s Final Smash is that coffin?” Akira started, tone filled with more life than it had all evening. “So, like, it was one of those team smash games, and it was Shulk and I against Richter and Samus - she was wearing her Zero Suit, mind you - and she did that kick-flip thing that pitfalls people to us - and Richter sneaks up behind and does the thing, and so -” Shulks face is a bright red as he quietly giggled into his hand, as Akira plowed on breathlessly. “Here we are, crammed inside this tiny space - and it’s really uncomfortable.” Link nodded, and Pit looked like he was holding a snicker. “And it’s like that scene from Naruto - wait, you guys don’t know what that is - well, long story short, enclosed space plus Shulk’s repressed feelings equals dating.” 

“Oh, you weren’t making it any easier you dolt!” Shulk protested over Pit’s loud snorts and Link’s quiet laughter. “You totally knew about it beforehand - you were like, always flirting with me all the time!”

“Hey, I’m a, quote unquote, ‘gentleman thief’ so this kind of stuff is in my nature.”

“I didn’t really know you when I said that!” 

“Holy shit -” Pit wheezed. “I can’t breathe -”

  
  


The whole table erupted in laughter, and continued for some time, until the impatient waiter tapped Link on the shoulder and asked for the check. 

  
  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  


“We should do that again sometime!” Shulk piped up as the four of them walked out to the parking lot. 

“Yeah, that was really fun.” Link admitted, scratching the back of his head. “Our lips are sealed though - we won’t tell anyone you’re dating until you feel comfortable to share it with everyone else. Right Pit?” 

Pit flashed the couple a thumbs up, and Akira flashed a peace sign right back at them.

“Catch you back at the Smash Mansion, kay?”

“See you!” Akira and Shulk turned away, climbing into Akira’s uncharacteristically beat up white van, and driving off the lot. 

  
  


“That was nice.” Link said once the dust had cleared. 

“Man, I had no idea they were dating though!” Pit exclaimed, opening the car door. 

“In hindsight, it was pretty obvious.”

“Oh, we can’t all be smart, Link.”

Turning on the car engine, Link leaned over and gave his boyfriend a kiss.

  
  
  


“Well, _one_ of us has to do the thinking.” he remarked once he had pulled away. 

  
  


Pit flushed red. “Well - uh-“ Looking away, he rubbed the back of his head. Pit was still pretty bad with PDA. “Just drive, numbskull.”

“Kay.” Turning the key, they pulled off the lot, and into the night. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


(Meta Knight, who had been sitting in the booth behind them, had heard everything. But he decided not to say anything. After all, he had learned after the whole Palutena and Snake fiasco that it was better to not say anything at all when it came to secret dating.)

**Author's Note:**

> This was really dumb, but I am a sucker for crack ships that don't really make sense. Play Persona 5 yall.
> 
> Leave Kudos if you enjoyed! (Or don't, that's cool too.)
> 
> Check out my other stuff;
> 
> Discord: https://discord.gg/7fGKDJ2
> 
> tumblr: https://squipedmew.tumblr.com/
> 
> youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1PtaW8dTzCzlDfb76VRU9Q


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